30 09 2009

It’s been a long time. Well, not much has happened. Just the regular cycle of school and….? No table tennis?! I’ve been out of practice for about a month now due to SAT practice tests. I’m taking the real test soon. I’m pretty worried about my score because I’ve been averaging about 1900 on the practice tests. Knowing me, I am not the smartest kid around the block and I have been struggling with my grades recently. AP Biology and AP US History has been kicking my ass. I made a huge mistake in tenth grade by not taking AP World History and now I am paying the price because I’m having a hard time keeping up with the class in some ways. The first quarter ends soon and I do not want to see any C’s or D’s on my report card. Now in order to do that, I need to learn how to stay focused on school. I need to sleep earlier. I need to get off Facebook. Anyways, enough with my failures in school because that’s not that only aspect of life that I am failing at right now. This school year I told myself that I need to speak up and be more outgoing. I haven’t done shit. I’m still the quiet, scrawny kid as I was in the previous years of high school. What do I need to do? I honestly don’t know. My confidence level is pretty much in the negative levels and I am still too sensitive. I tried writing poems and such to release my emotions, but that did not really help. Yea I sound like a bitchy little outcast because I know that I am truly not the person that people see me as. I feel as if people are basing their opinions of me by looking at the past. Whatever. Fuck that. I wish that I could just take a gun and go on a fucking massacre and kill all the douches at school. And no, I am not afraid to take my own life too.




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